my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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