Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
