Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
