Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
