my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
