everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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