i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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