You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
