forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
