Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
