when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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