Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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