i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
