I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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