Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he shaved USA in his pubs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
