Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
