so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
