I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
