just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And then my night got REAL pukey
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
