My friends, they love my intelligence
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
