no, he came in my armpit
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
