Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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