You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
