I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
