i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
