no, he came in my armpit
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she smelled like a LAN party
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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