So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
