I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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