remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
