Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
