i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
