Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
