Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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