I am spending my child support on dildos
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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