Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
