She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
