Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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(661): View more from California

the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero

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(225): View more from Louisiana

My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance

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(909): View more from California

I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not

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(248): View more from Michigan

Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.

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