Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
