You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
