Im at strip club and am horny
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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