You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
