But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
