Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
