I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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