I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
