I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
