I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
