Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You did what with his pubic hair?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
