We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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