so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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