you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
