I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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